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Author's Comments

SET FOUR, LINK SIX

See ~SOLARTS for more information about the Haiku Chain Gang.

Responding to *megsmad, which can be found: here.

~xorac replied: Read me.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmegsmad:
wonderful!!

--
Remember Hannah. news article --> [link] TV program --> [link] Depression should never be fought alone.
:iconcoldcontactkiss:
Thanks! :] Glad ya like it.

--
"I love when you make the dictionary your bitch."
"You seduce the English language and use it for your own sordid ends."

[JDM] [JA]
:iconmegsmad:
very much so :)

--
Remember Hannah. news article --> [link] TV program --> [link] Depression should never be fought alone.
:iconxorac:
a hard days work;
night:
respite

[link]

another wild stab in the dark, which is what some people have threatened to do if i keep this up.

--
Actively Inactive
:iconsolarts:
Hey - I love this one. A great poem!! One thing - 'villages' is spelt wrong (no 'i';). And in light of this is the poem:

consumed by cicada song,
the sleepless villages
still dream

Meaning that many 'villages' (the places) still dream. Or:

consumed by cicada song,
the sleepless villagers
still dream

meaning the sleepless 'villagers' (the people) in the village still dream?

Or:

consumed by cicada song,
the sleepless village
still dreams

Just a thought.

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconcoldcontactkiss:
Oy! Thank you for catching my typo[s] - It is supposed to read "villagers." But, being 2am, silly tricks were played on my brain. lol

--
"I love when you make the dictionary your bitch."
"You seduce the English language and use it for your own sordid ends."

[JDM] [JA]
:iconcoldcontactkiss:
Did you officially submit it yet? I wanna link you from my Author's Comments. :]

--
"I love when you make the dictionary your bitch."
"You seduce the English language and use it for your own sordid ends."

[JDM] [JA]
:iconsolarts:
Hahahaha - all good. That's what I am here for. I wanted to say - I got your note and I will certainly look at all your chain poems and offer critique.

This one I really love, but I have one suggestion. Why are they 'consumed'. Could an edit work like this:

cicada song-
the sleepless villagers
still dream

I would remove the comma and put in a dash, whatever you decide about the wording, just cause the dash gives it more haiku aesthetic, I feel. The comma is too sentence like, while the dash offers a "cut" feel, essential to the use of punctuation in classical haiku (the cut word).

--
"We are intent on reducing art to its simplest expression, which is love." (Andre Breton)
:iconcoldcontactkiss:
No comma, no problem - It was more grammatical OCD than anything.

The cicadas are so darn loud, the people cannot sleep. However, they continue to dream of (imagine) other things. Is that concept still accessable without "consume"?

--
"I love when you make the dictionary your bitch."
"You seduce the English language and use it for your own sordid ends."

[JDM] [JA]

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